Spiritual Head.....

...well it has been nearly 4 weeks since Sawyer was born and I can still say at this point I wouldn't trade any of those 3am wake ups. Now I reference back to my previous post about being a wuss because my wife is does almost all of the work. She is breastfeeding so I can't help her in the middle of the night because quite frankly I don't have the right equipment. But that got me to thinking.....which is a very dangerous thing for me but hear me out.

Since I was not designed to "feed" our baby the way my wife does how can I "feed" him. I have to be a better man that I am now to do so. I am beginning to understand, in a very humanized way, what it means to deny yourself. Crystal is the nurturing, loving, kind, and all those things a God fearing woman should be. I however am called to be all those things as well as the Spiritual head of my household. Now I will confess to this point(before Sawyer's birth) I was terrible at this. I have always viewed Crystal and I's relationship as one that is rooted in and having deep respect for God and for one another. I'm not a bully nor do I try to tell him how to worship, live, work, cook or anything else for that matter and nor does she to me. I am however stubborn and so is she. The majority of our fights as a married couple have been rooted in both of our selfishness/stuborness. I always joked that I knew when I would be ready for kids when I was able to think about my child before myself. This doesn't mean I neglect myself now but it does mean in all decision making I have to think about more than myself.

So how can I be the spiritual leader in our home? It has to start with my making sure the main thing stays the main thing(God for those wondering). Second I have to make sure my wife is doing the same thing. I won't lie this is going to be a struggle because I am an in the face kind of guy with everything but when it comes to mine and others walk with the Lord. But I don't have to be that way with Crystal....I can encourage her by my actions. I have to serve her better, love her better, be there for her, and help her to make sure she gets time to herself. Third I have to pray daily that God would/will help Sawyer to look past my many flaws and see the desire for him to grow in to a God fearing man. I can't do this by myself with any teaching, rebuking, or training. It will have to be God being a part of all things in his life. I love Sawyer and want to make sure he can be the man he should be and that has to start with me loving God more, my wife better, and myself better.